I used to cringe when I heard the phrase live your dream life. I was supposed to grow up, do what I love, and life would be perfect.
Several reasons this didn’t work for me:
- I couldn’t figure out what my dream was. So many passions and wishes swirled in my mind, it was impossible to do them all, and I couldn’t find the one. I was paralyzed by overwhelm.
- I wasn’t happy every moment–too many sad, difficult, and angry emotions–so clearly, I was too messed up to have a dream life.
- I’m sorry, but nobody warned me that commitments and responsibilities would take over. If I was living my dream life, how could I also do the things I had to do?
- Life tricked me when I found myself the mother of a special needs child–so many adventurers and accomplishments were off the table.
- Living your dream life was possible, but only for a lucky few and they obviously had secret super powers I didn’t.
- And lastly, I was too late.
It was heartbreaking.
I’m a huge dreamer–mostly living in my imagination–so this stung big time. I was so far away from my dreams they may as well be flying around space on the Hubble telescope.
But I’ve made friends with the phrase live your dream life. Not only friends, I cozy right up and whisper my most inner desires at weird moments of the day and into the wee hours of the night.
Do I believe that it’s possible to bring your wildest dreams into your real life?
A resounding, YES!
It’s all about what we mean when we say living your dream life. So put on your pith helmet and let’s explore this idea.
What Happened to Our Dreams?
When I was younger, it was easy to imagine my future life. I was good at listening to my own heart and ignoring what society said was a good dream. I had some quirky and original ideas.
And it felt so good.
Free. Hopeful. Empowering. My heart felt bigger than my body and my mind felt an expansiveness that knew no limits or boundaries.
Then I got older.
I’ve mentioned my personal crisis at turning 50, here, but there was an earlier crisis. When I turned 30. It was as if I was running full steam ahead and still had unlimited ability to have my dreams come true. Until the calendar told me I was 30.
A switch was flipped. It was all too late.
I can’t tell you where I got the idea that you had to live your dreams by 30. But I believed I had missed my opportunity.
And it wasn’t just that I felt it was too late to do all the things I’d dreamed about, it was that I felt like it wasn’t possible to dream anymore.
I felt it was too late to dream at all.
There would never be enough time or resources to live a magical and dreamy life. Pack all those crazy ideas away and just get on with real life.
It’s ironic that over 25 years after my 30th birthday, I finally feel free to dream again. Now though, while I can dream wild, I’ve learned how to root my dreams in reality. Which is even better!
I’m not afraid of running out of time or resources, even though the fact is both are less of both than before. I look at dreaming differently.
A Fresh Way to See Living Your Dreams
Dreaming is really about freeing your heart and trusting that life unfolds in a beautiful and magical way, by living every day with intention and knowing what’s important.
Learning how to dream wild is unraveling your spirit. A visit back to the little girl who wanted to take on the world in her own unique way.
It’s not a destination or a prize, it’s a way of being. After getting to the nitty-gritty of your wildest dreams, you can infuse your days with a taste–or a full-blown smorgasbord–of what you’ve always held sacred in your heart.
Living your dreams is
- a process
- a way of being
- the lens you see everything through
- how you bring your soul calling into the world.
What Does a Dream Life Look Like?
I’m an animal lover and my entire young life was daydreaming about animals. I was infatuated with horses and read novels, magazines, and frantically tried to grasp anything with horses. I wore a shirt that I had printed, “I’m a Steve Cauthen Fan.” [1] I also designed a dog grooming and breeding compound complete with each dog drawn and named. As soon as I had my own home, I started having pets.
Well, I’m not a veterinarian, horse camp director, dog or parrot breeder, marine biologist, or zookeeper (now that I am more world-wise, I wouldn’t want to be some of these anymore anyway), but every day of my life is spent with, loving, and learning more about animals. In the 90s I even published two books on pets. [2]
I don’t have to forsake having a family, living on a ship, risking my life to protect whales in the frigid waters (because I truly wanted to do this), I can find other ways to honor this dream life of loving and protecting the majestic whale.
That’s what I mean when I say you can create your dream life, even if you have a real life. Your wildest dreams can nurture your heart and actions no matter where you are in life and what resources are available.
But first, you have to know what your dreams are.
The Best Exercise to Find Your Dream Life
Start with free writing all the dreams, hopes, and wishes you can think of. Just write and see what comes up. This is just to clear your mind of anything it thinks is a dream. Some you’ll find won’t really be from you, that’s okay, don’t pause, erase, or cross out. Just wait. For now, just let your brain go wild.
Tips:
- Find some uninterrupted, quiet time to spend on this exercise.
- Use a huge piece of paper so you don’t feel confined.
- Handwrite.
- Use bullets, lists, mindmaps, drawings, or whatever comes out.
- Don’t even think about how, what if, or but.
- It can be small dreams or really, really, big dreams and everything in between.
- They may feel childish or serious, it doesn’t matter, write them all.
- Try to remember what dreams you had as a child.
- What makes your heart flutter when you think about them now?
- If resources were unlimited, you had no fear, you had all the support you needed, what would you want to do?
- Imagine you’re 100-years-old and looking back on your life, what’s the story you want to tell?
- Browse through photos if it helps ignite ideas, but don’t get stuck procrastinating by spending hours online. (I might know about this firsthand. Wink. Wink.)
How to Discover Your Wildest Dreams
It may take practice to let yourself dream. Dreaming has been tamed out of most of us. And for many, reality has trained us to avoid the letdown–we’ve all had a dream or two trampled on until they’re unrecognizable.
But as you’ve seen from above, I don’t believe that has to be the way. Midlife is prime time for relearning and revisiting your heart’s desires.
Here are a few more tools to get you started dreaming. Go in with a playful attitude and explorer’s mindset. This is just a bit of frosting, if you want the entire cake, you may have to do more practice with more guidance. Who wouldn’t love more time practicing the art of dreaming?
More Tools
- Morning pages. Julia Cameron first introduced this life-altering tool in The Artist’s Way. It has been around for three decades for good reason. Short version: journal, by hand, three pages each morning first thing. Whatever comes to mind. No censor. You must check this out.
- Try some of the ideas. Came up with something? Just give it a little try as a test. No commitment yet. How does it feel?
- Learn something new pertaining to your dreams. Does it feel right? Does it make you nervous or excited?
- Meditate, pray or ask your guides for help.
- Every day ask if you lived your dreams and your purpose and are creating a life you love and are proud of. If not, what’s missing? If yes, what feels so scrumptious?
- Squeeze creativity and wonder into as many nooks and crannies of everyday life as possible.
- Find your why. Defining your purpose is a profound aspect of a full and radiant life.
- Have true, deep gratitude for all the things that you do have and for all the experiences you’ve already lived.
- Reflect on what makes your heart sing and what falls flat or doesn’t work at all. This will lead you forward toward more positive experiences and emotions.
- Reflect and reimagine again and again.
How to Create Your Dream Life
In order for your dreams to materialize, you have to take action. It’s through the doing that you bring your dreams and your purpose to life.
Taking action is also how you know if your dream is meant for you. If it’s not working, or it’s time to move on to something different, you’ll know what it feels like to do it.
Your wildest dreams are one chunk of a radiant life. Your values, heart yearnings, and most of all your purpose or calling, all intertwine and are really inseparable when creating a dream life.
It helps as well, to categorize parts of life to see where there are areas that need more attention. Examine the complex, dynamic picture by organizing it into sections. You can use a wheel of life, and I have a post about the 7 Realms of A Radiant Life that I use.
Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.
Rumi
Put Your Brain to Good Use
To remind yourself about all the amazing desires you’ve delved into, visualization techniques are like a gentle reminder, “Hey! Don’t forget us. All the important things over here. I know you’re busy scrolling social media and worrying about stuff, but we can help you find joy.”
Our brains have to filter out so much information all the time. If we have our dreams and goals front and center and are visualizing them regularly, you’ll notice that in your life ways to support your dreams will show up again and again. It’s because your brain won’t filter these things out, it will alert you when they show up.
A vision board of some sort and a story you’ve written that you can read every day are cool and fun strategies.
Our brains are so good at protecting us from harm, that they often get in the way. They say things to keep us safe. Step to the edge and get dizzy, your dreams are on the other side of your comfort zone.
You may have to correct misbeliefs and rewrite stories that aren’t supporting your dream life. Replace negative self-talk with an affirmative voice, and you’ll start to see that your dream is supported everywhere you look. You’ll see the synchronicities and won’t miss the opportunities to live radiantly.
The Truths About Living Your Dream Life
Once you have a vision of what your dream life will look like, know that it could take years to fully realize those ideals. Especially if you have commitments, responsibilities that must be met, resource restrictions, or just life’s normal stumbling blocks.
By now, you’ve probably tried out a bunch of ideas. And you’ll try out a bunch more. That’s part of the process. Everything you’ve learned so far is telling you something. “Look at what you did here.” “This you loved, let’s do something like that again.” “Nope. Remember you hate that kinda thing.”
I spent years being so embarrassed by my trying things out. Originally, I had so much fun trying this and trying that, and experiencing so many different aspects of the things I loved. Then someone said to me, “You go from one thing to another, when will you ever just find something and do it.”
Wow. It really deflated me. For a long time. Then I realized, I have a lot of passions and loves. That is not a bad thing. It’s who I am and I’m not ashamed anymore. It’s not that I can’t decide, I’ve just decided to do a gazillion things!
Don’t let anyone tell you what to do! Don’t let them have control like that. You’ve got one life and you’re halfway done. From now on, do what your heart is telling you to do. Remember who you are and what’s important to you.
How Dreams Come True
One dream I’ve had since I can remember is having a horse. I lived that dream once and my horse, Ripple, was my best friend for 24 years, and even now I feel his presence in my life.
I often wonder how I survive without a horse [3], and I know I can’t replace Ripple, but it would fill my heart to take care of another horse. But I can’t have a horse at this time in my life. I’m doing other things that require my attention and I couldn’t spend the time now. Maybe again in the future. I’m okay with it because I have other dreams I’m pursuing now.
This is how you have a dream life with a real life. You focus on where you can and where it’s most important at this moment. No regret and no negativity.
If you dream of living in a small country cottage covered in ivy, lounging in the shade of a tree and reading, how can you bring this alive if you live in an upstairs apartment with a four-foot, concrete deck? A comfy chair or pillows thrown about, plants lining the banister, and a library book on a cool, spring day.
What aspect of your wild dream are you going to bring to your life tomorrow? Right this minute?
Find the secret, stowaway moments. Wedge them into the crevices, edges, and layer them with what you already have to do. What can you do to make space for a small part of your dream each day? A bigger part each week?
I’ll Leave You with This For Now
There’s no right or wrong as you dream and imagine what special things you want to enjoy in this lifetime, but I do have one strong caveat to share with you.
The act of dreaming and invoking these qualities into your life should not be a point of shame, guilt, frustration, sadness, or any other negative emotion you muster up. Dreams are meant only to bring wonder, curiosity, imagination, creativity, joy, kindness, and contentment.
Since no one is like you and no one has your set of circumstances, life responsibilities, history, passions, quirks, imagination, you CAN NOT compare yourself to others. Live your own story and know there is enough of everything for everybody.
Remember, living your dreams is about your heart singing its most radiant truth. Find out about what moves your spirit, listen carefully, and then enrich your life with your wildest dreams every day.
What do you think about this version of a dream life? How can this make a difference in how you create the life of your wildest dreams?
[1] Steve Cauthen was a kid jockey in the late 70s and boy did I have a crush on him. At that time the only horses on TV were racing, and I loved watching Cauthen win the Triple Crown on Affirmed in 1978.
[2] https://cynthiasaltman.com/about/
[3] I’ve often thought of writing a memoir on my life with Ripple. If I ever do, it will be titled “The Horse That Saved My Life.” And I mean it. Love you, Ripple.
