Crack those cement boots, shake off the cobwebs, and send apathy packing, you’re going to get unstuck. Now!
Can’t muster the motivation to do one darn thing? You’re not alone because it’s all part of being human. And it can be hopelessly paralyzing.
I feel you.
Imagine going gangbusters and getting things done, feeling on top of the world, then bam! Even one small thing has you throwing up your hands and wanting to quit it all. It can last hours or days. Feels like trudging through quicksand—blindfolded, backward, in high heels.
You just can’t get motivated.
Help is on the way. Unfortunately, if you’re looking for a magic pill or a swipe from your fairy godmother’s wand, I have bad news–it’ll take some work. But you knew that. Understand the what, why, and how of stuckness, and give yourself the power to get unstuck.
What is Being Stuck?
Your mind is the shiznit to keep you safe and cozy in your same ol’ same ol’ life. Not much room for growth. Or adventure. And certainly not for living all those dreams you have.
Because it’s only thinking of your best interest, there is no need to get up arms and start the blame game. Besides, it’s good to stay safe to an extent.
But if you’re here reading this, you want more. You want to live your dream life. Or maybe just a little better something. But definitely not the status quo.
Usually, there’s no mystery about what you need to do—adopt a new attitude, the next steps, and what action is required. But just as you’re ready to make your move…da da da…your mind starts talking you out of it.
Then you have feelings about it.[1] It feels uncomfortable. Ugh!
Do This to Get Unstuck
So, your mind’s protection mode is why you lack motivation. If you’re feeling stuck, it’s a good sign because it means you are toeing the edge of your comfort zone and your mind is saying, “Whoa! What are you thinking? You’ll get hurt, embarrass yourself, break a limb, or get frosting on your face. So, you need to stop right there, girl, and go back to bed.”
Maybe you do. Or, maybe you open your Facebook app, or run to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard.
When that uncomfortable feeling pops up, you have two choices.
#1 – Step into it.
#2 – Comfort yourself. (You know, with chips, a day-long nap, or wine.)
You’re so close. Don’t stop now, you can get unstuck. Thank your mind for treating you with so much love, then tell it to pipe down.
In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert writes (If you haven’t read this book yet, what are you waiting for? It’s fantastic!) that you can’t get rid of fear, it has to come along for the ride, so make it ride in the back seat. I just love that!
Decide. Now. Are you going back into your comfort zone, or will you nudge the edge?
Nudge the edge? Yay! Let’s get going.
The Get Unstuck Chasm
Imagine a ravine and you’re standing on one side. This is where you are right now. You’re starting point. On the other side of the gorge is the dream you want (lose 20 pounds, take up the violin, learn Mandarin, start a business, kick diabetes in the bum).
In between is the gap representing where you are and where you want to be. It might just take a hop to get across. Sometimes that ravine is more on the scale of the Grand Canyon.
Scary stuff. No wonder you’re stuck. Who in their right mind would leap that gap (aside from Evil Knievel).[2] While you’re minding the gap[3], your mind has done the thinking and stirred up your feelings, and you don’t feel so much like taking action to get unstuck.
Let’s take action anyway! Here’s how.
Why Are You Stuck?
Relying On Motivation
Motivation is fleeting and elusive. Your I’m-on-fire feelings are fleeting and elusive. Willpower is limited. Motivation, feeling like it, and willpower aren’t cutting it. If that’s true–it is–then how can you get anything done?
Self-discipline. Not very sexy and not very popular, but it’s the truth. And so few people have it that I’ll go out on a limb and say it is a true superpower.
Rather than being stifling, having self-discipline is freeing. You’re free from a life dictated by doubt, emotional paralysis, and fear. Once you take action, even when you don’t feel like it, positive emotions flood your mind and give you the power to take on the next challenge.
The Emotional Barriers
Emotions play a part in getting stuck. So, taking a look at why you’re avoiding taking the next step might be eye-opening. Finding ways to confront those emotions, especially if some show up again and again, can be life-changing.
Here are some emotions that might have become obstacles:
- Doubt
- Fear
- Boredom
- Exhaustion
- Self-limiting beliefs
- Over analyzation
- Distraction
- Guilt
- Frustration
- Depression
Certainly, those aren’t the only ones, but you get the idea. The opposite emotions–playfulness, creativity, hopefulness–push you through the stuckness.
If life throws you a curve ball, outside of your aspirations, give yourself the grace to take a step back and push the pause button. It’ll be easier to come back when you’re ready to tackle the work if you make a note of where you are and where you are going to go next.
Believing it Should be Easy
Once upon a time, I actually believed that if “something was meant to be” it would be easy. That’s laughable now. (I kinda want to grab that “me” around the collar and say, “Are you kidding? Wake up!”)
As we reach our second half, we’ve lived long enough to know that’s complete crazy talk. Some of the most important, life-affirming, beautiful things are the most difficult. Having children? Marrying? Divorcing? Not divorcing? Changing careers? Friendships gone awry? Pets? Loving at all? I’ll stop here because you already know these things.
When striving for a dream or goal, I sometimes forget that change, even the best change in the world, is uncomfortable but worth it. I have to forgo instant gratification (I hear you calling my name you blasted bag of chips!) for the greater benefit (I really want to be healthy and strong.)
The joy is in the process and the journey. The end goal and destination can change and evolve, so I can’t put off positive emotions until then. But I won’t be skipping through the daisies the entire time either. Sometimes it’s just hard work. Sometimes it’s taking the steps I wish I didn’t have to and wish they weren’t part of the journey. But they are. So, I do them. You do them.
You can make it more enjoyable, though.
Adding a Smile to Get Unstuck
One way is to visualize yourself performing the next step before doing it. I’ll use one of my weak points as an example.
If I have to make a phone call, you can bet your life’s savings I’ll put it off as long as possible. I hate making phone calls worse than putting on pants. (Versus leggings or a dress. Ahem.)
Before making the call, I visualize how it might go, what I’ll say, what I need to accomplish, and what to do to make that happen. Then, I imagine myself smiling and actually find something positive and upbeat about making the call.
Once I’ve switched on a more positive and smiley me, I can do the deed.
Another way to take action even if it’s hard is to imagine[4] your future-self looking back at this moment, this decision to act. It can be your tomorrow-self, or your 95-year-old-self. What would you wish you would have done at this moment? What would make your future-self proud? Do that thing.
Rewrite Your Story to Get Unstuck
Your mind is a storytelling champion loaded with imagination. Now is the time to look at the stories your mind is telling you, they may be laden with lies. You may need to rewrite your stories.
What limiting beliefs have you been telling yourself about traversing the gap? Are your lies something like these?
- I’ll never be as good as _______.
- Since _______ is so successful, there is no room for me.
- She was able to _____ because she ______, and I don’t.
- Because my life ______ I won’t be able to ______.
- I missed the victory card hand-out.
- People my age don’t ______.
Ask yourself, is this really true? Look for evidence that it’s true. Then think of the opposite, and look for evidence that the opposite is true. Finally, write it all down and hash it out.
Another lie we often tell ourselves is that nothing is going our way. But something is. You just need to focus on the things working out, even if it is small. Don’t judge your progress, and let go of where you expected you should have been.
Change the narrative. Writing it down will be more powerful. Tell your story of your efforts and make yourself the hero. Not the victim.
Your Hero Story
How you see your identity is key to achieving the results you want. You’re an athlete, veggie-gnawing maniac, exemplary number-cruncher, confident speaker, graceful dancer, stockpiled with grit you mad dog. Identify what you most want to be. Not the victim.
Journal about it. Write details about the little obstacles you’ve overcome, and tell heroic epic tales of the big challenges you conquered. Write about how much strength, resilience, and courage you have.
Even if you aren’t feeling it entirely at this moment, find evidence in your life that you do have these qualities. Or, consider possible bumps and troubles you may have and imagine how you would handle them with all these wonderful qualities.
The key here is to find things that truly exist within you to emphasize and shine the spotlight on. Yes, you do have what you need. You don’t have to make things up or pretend you’re something you’re not. Instead, find the things you have done in the past, your unique qualities, and your own special gifts to make your dreams come true and believe them.
Stuck in Indecision
Stuck because you can’t make a choice? Then remember that the universe is far too vast, with an infinite number of outcomes that you will never be able to consider even a fraction of them.
You can waste a lot of time weighing the odds and fretting over whether something is “right” or not. Whether it’s figuring out what direction you want to take towards your wildest dream or if it’s having a second cookie or not.
At some point, you’ll just need to make a decision. Do it now. Make a good enough choice with the knowledge you have now, and just get on with it. Just make a choice.
You won’t have all the answers yet. Take the leap anyway. The answers will arrive as you take action.
If you have a general feeling of stuckness, and you can’t put your finger on it, indecision might have you floundering in the doldrums. See if this sounds like you.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Is this choice in alignment with my highest values?
- Will it support what I consider my life’s purpose at this moment?
- Will I enjoy the process of this choice and not just the outcome?
Then break the action down into smaller steps. Prioritize them, and start with a smallish one that will make a difference.
Since you aren’t going to feel like taking action, you have to step away from your feelings, have your values close at hand, and act on your values, not what your mind is telling you or what you are feeling in the moment.
Action feeds action, and soon enough, you’ll have momentum. And you’ll be off!
Just a Reminder: You’re Not Always Going to Feel Like it
You’re never going to feel like it.
Okay, never isn’t true. But remember how much our mind wants to keep the status quo? It will definitely make taking action uncomfortable.
Those who rise at 5 am to make the most of their days don’t always wake up fully open-eyed and hopping. They wake up anyway. Some days you may not feel like putting down your work and going for a walk, but you do. You may not feel like going for a run, but you are so grateful you told your mind to take the back seat once you have. You may not feel like skipping the dessert at a restaurant, but it feels good not to feel overstuffed. You may not feel like making that phone call, but putting that tick next to your to-do list will feel grand.
Don’t tell yourself that tomorrow will be a better day to do it. Today is yesterday’s tomorrow. There is no magic in tomorrow. Take action now.
Speaking of action…
How to Get Unstuck Now!
Move
The first thing you need to do is move. Stand up straight, breathe through your nose, put a smile on your face. If you take on a more confident and capable posture, your mind will feel it. You’re so tricky.
Sometimes, all you need to do is actually move your body. Stretch or do some push-ups. Move to the floor to work or to the desk. Take a shower and get dressed. Go for a walk outside, pumping and priming your entire system. (Especially a walk! Read this to get your creativity flowing.)
Take Action, Any Action
Any small action will break the psychological barrier of stuckness. Remember that humungous chasm between where you are and where you want to be? Close the gap through action. Small steps. Break it down as small as you need to.
Imagine your dream is to lose 20 pounds. But you’re stuck. And the Ben & Jerry’s is screaming your name. So your small step might be to resist just another hour, then the next hour and the next. (Do you really need to keep Ben & Jerry’s in your freezer?)
I once did this with a bag of M&Ms. It was in the cabinet, taunting me. I didn’t say I couldn’t have them, and I didn’t negotiate. I never said, if I lose five pounds then I can chow down, or anything like that. So, if I wanted them, I could have the M&Ms, absolutely, but not until I waited an hour.
Then another hour. I was able to stretch it to a day. “I can have it tomorrow,” I told myself. The next day I told myself since I made it through one day, I may as well try another day. It didn’t take long until it was a week. And even later, a month. I forgot about the M&Ms until I came across them months later.
Mind the gap, break it down into small, doable chunks. Just ten minutes of exercise. Just put your shoes on and step outside. Write for 15 minutes. Make one phone call.
The Magic Power of Action to Get Unstuck
No matter how small, you prove to yourself your dreams and goals are worthy by simply taking any action. As a result, you show yourself respect and support. The opposite happens when you don’t take action.
Your strip away your personal power, and your brain begins to believe that your dreams and goals aren’t that important and don’t need attention.
Besides, you’re always taking action and making choices. Whether you think them through or not. Default choices that don’t lead you closer to what you want are on autopilot and send you down a crowded runway backward.
Deliberate choice is where growing and evolving takes place. By choosing to do nothing towards your desires, you choose to move further away from them.
Choosing to take deliberate action gets easier and easier with practice. Rhythm is created. Your do-something muscles are stronger. Hot darn! You’re on a roll.
Consider the Journey
When we are staring out across the ravine, we often focus so much on the other side, the big dream, that we don’t truly consider the journey across. We’re going to spend a lot more time on the journey than the destination; you have to want to take that journey.
Suppose your goal is to own a multi-million-dollar company by speaking to large audiences worldwide. Still, you want to have a family, and being a part of their small daily moments is a value and a priority. But, in that case, you may lose heart for your dream’s travel and time commitment. Or have guilt or regret about not being with your family.
If your dream is to own a restaurant, but dealing with employees sounds like torture. You’re not going to have a good time.
When you dream, you have to consider the actions necessary to get there and ensure that it is something you will mostly enjoy. Of course, there will be difficult moments no matter how much you love what you’re doing, but overall, you should be able to tackle the journey with a smile.
If not, you’ll get stuck.
Because it’s not fun.
Your dream life will not happen by sheer force of will, it will only happen with daily action. Just thinking about it and wishing for it isn’t going to grant your every wish. You’ll have to put in the salty sweat. It may as well be as full of joy as possible.
Get Unstuck with Success
Building confidence takes success and victories every single day. Each and every day. Then you will have the confidence to make things happen.
Keeping a journal or planner to record the victories, no matter how small, puts it right there in black and white (or, if you’re like me, the color of the day) how wonderful you really are.
If things don’t seem to be going your way, remember life is a spiral, not a linear process, and growth and change circle back on itself before it springs forward. Setbacks, reassessments, double-backs, and redirections are part of the journey, so don’t let them discourage you.
Dreams are built on grit and resilience and those only get stronger with daily practice.
Success fuels success. And, again, it will fuel momentum. Yay!
You Can Get Unstuck
Everybody gets stuck at one time or another. Each of us has had moments when we just can’t move or get anything done, frozen, or mired in doubt and fear. Sometimes a splattering of short bursts of stuck comes at us. Maybe a few deep, dark, sticky stucks. Sticky stucks suck.[5]
What separates the people who get to the other side and live the life they love, and those that don’t, is that the sassy go-getters push through the discomfort.
That’s the only difference.
But it’s hard. I know. So be kind and compassionate to yourself, and still do it.
You have a limited amount of time in this life. Treat each moment with the love it deserves. Know that you’ll be where you need to be when you need to be there, but only if you move towards your dreams and goals. You got this!
Are you stuck? Do you have an inkling why? Are you ready to activate your self-discipline and take action? What small step are you going to take today? Now?
[1] Read this sentence with a lot of drama. This time, go back and reread it with more drama, like a teenage girl
[2] Evil Knievel talked about jumping the Grand Canyon so much, that I always thought he actually did. Which he didn’t. His son did though!
[3] My husband is from London, so I can steal “Mind the Gap.” Search it on YouTube, for some reason it just cracks me up. It’s so British.
[4] I LOVE using imagination and creativity as a tool!
[5] I couldn’t resist.
