Finding your purpose is a deep dive into your most true self. And while that rings of woo-woo magic, it’s simply a process and part of life’s journey. Finding your purpose is identifying the one-of-a-kind spark you bring to the world. It’s that straightforward. And that complex.
As second-halfers, we don’t have the luxury of wallowing in indecision for a decade or two, so let’s get our rears in gear!
Mystery Theater and Finding Your Purpose
Do you remember the radio show Mystery Theater? It was popular in the 70s and I loved listening to it during long car rides while sleeping in the back of the station wagon. [1]
A few years ago, I discovered that you can buy them! So of course, I did. And I love listening to them. Great storytelling, nostalgia, and fun. Some of them even contain the news and ads. So cool.
One of the things I find fascinating is how much the world has remained the same (unsavory politics, broken hearts, murder and mayhem) and how much has changed.
The change is significant. I can’t tell you how many of the stories consider 50 and above as dried-up, worn-out, too-old. One story I remember clearly was about a 50-something-year-old man playing tennis, his wife begged him to stop so he didn’t kill himself. Of course, he does. Because playing tennis when you’re that old will put an end to you.
Wow!
Not surprising when you consider that the average male lifespan in 1975 was 68 years. Which also explains the concept of retirement at 65. Heck, get a job, work at the same place your entire career, retire, and live another five years or so, then pass away.
Life has changed. For one, the average male lifespan is now 79. Thank. Freaking. Goodness.
Most people have multiple reinventions of their work and even if people retire from a career, they often start up something else.
Which might be necessary since we need a bigger nest egg if we’re going to support ourselves until 100 or more. And because we have a heck of a lot of life left after 65–and sorry Mystery Theater writers–certainly after 50!
And So…
When you hit 50 or so, it’s time to reassess your purpose. The reason you get out of bed in the morning morphs with the stage of life you’re in. During transitions whether welcomed or not, you found yourself modifying your focus and direction.
And midlife is a big transition. A time when we’re looking for meaning and wondering what we have to offer the world. What will we do with our time and what legacy we’ll leave behind.
And it doesn’t come when [fill in the blank]. When we have enough money. When we lose weight. When we get a new husband. When our kids are grown. When our grandkids are grown. When. When. When.
In the past, we’ve been influenced by outside sources of approval–parents, spouse, society, or culture–but being in our second half gives us a sense of freedom, maybe for the first time. This freedom can feel disorienting and cause anxiousness.
Finding our purpose gives our second half a breath of fresh air, a reassessment, a new opportunity for growth, and becoming. We can be true to our inner spirit, what we’re meant to do with our lives, and with health as a priority, we can have the energy and oomph to take on our wildest dreams.
All during our second half.
Your purpose is actually seeking you.
Rumi
What Does Finding Your Purpose Even Mean?
Purpose, calling, dharma, your why, meaning, intention, mission. So many words that describe the same feeling–when you’re absolutely in love with your life and are living the story only you can tell.
It isn’t about becoming someone new either. Necessarily. It’s about recognizing your eternal soul and evolving deeper into who you are. About accepting your light as well as your shadows.
Your soul calling has existed in you from the beginning, and finding your purpose is a reawakening of your spirit’s eternal, deeper meaning. It’s the soft whisper that’s been rustling in the background since you were born, quietly guiding you. Your life experiences have brought you here and now is the time to trust and listen to your intuition and internal wisdom.
Your purpose is a day-to-day love affair with your dreams. If your daily actions and choices are based on your wholehearted life’s meaning, you’ll feel more contentment and joy.
Keeping your purpose foremost in your mind, thwarts immediate gratification and solely pleasure-seeking behavior, and instead, you can focus on the big picture and develop self-discipline and resilience.
Finding your purpose isn’t a sudden wave of a wand from your fairy godmother or a magical oracle reading and then life unfolds like a runway directing your route.
Your purpose is dynamic and multi-faceted, and you can’t get it wrong. You can reflect, reassess, and reorient all along the journey, but by defining and articulating your purpose you know how to show up and support the world.
Why Now?
Transitions are the perfect time to reassess your purpose. Midlife is a substantial, critical transition. Drifting aimlessly now won’t feel good.
Our brains don’t like uncertainty, when we flounder and get stuck in the doldrums or eddies, then our mental and physical health will take a downward plunge.
If you’re not headed anywhere, you’ll never come across what speaks to your heart. Finding your purpose gives your dreaming waypoints.
It’s hard to get up in the morning, having a reason to take on the day that lights you up can make all the difference. You exist for a reason and your purpose is an expression of that reason. If you’re feeling particularly stuck, Midlife Slump–Are You Stuck in the Midlife Doldrums? might help.
Here are a few other great reasons:
- Pushing through challenges will be easier when you know where you’re going and why.
- You can look beyond your own emotions knowing something greater is directing you.
- Gets you up in the morning and gives you a reason to keep moving forward. Ever forward.
- Increases your longevity. Studies of the Blue Zones [2] show that those centenarians who have a why live longer.
- Gives you energy because you’re excited about growing, learning and exploring.
- You’re living the right and true story for you.
It’s Not Too Late
Some people seem like they have a purpose superpower–they seem to have emerged from the womb ready to change the world. I must have missed the day they passed out that superpower.
I’m definitely a searcher, maybe you are too. What I know is that I have an insatiable curiosity and an unrelenting enthusiasm for life. Because of that, I regularly self-evaluate and reflect on my dharma and check in to see if I’m headed in the right direction for me.
What I’ve discovered is that some of us are very focused and know exactly why we’re on Earth. Think of the Mother Teresa types. There are others who have so many different passions and layers to what they offer the world that it makes a normal person dizzy, like DaVinci.
Super focused or multifaceted. Clearly marked path in one direction. Or a meandering trail with a whole heck of a lot of deviations. They’re all relevant and important.
Your journey is the training ground, you’re learning all along how to best express your calling. By actively pursuing your purpose and being in the process, you’re gaining wisdom and experience.
For this last half of life, your purpose as your compass guide will save you resources and give you an incentive to keep healthy.
There’s no time for external validation or to take the easy way out. Now’s the time to cast your fears aside and go for it.
It’s definitely not too late. Even if all you had was one day left [3], that day is better spent knowing yourself to your core and following your unique path. Your second half is the best time to think about the legacy you’ll leave when you’re gone.
What Knowing Your Purpose Looks Like
How you show up to express your calling is as important–or more important–than the actual purpose. Others may be on the path along with you, but only you will bring your unique and special experiences, personality, imagination, and creativity. No other person has ever, or will ever, exist with your one-of-a-kind circumstances.
Maybe you research snow leopards in the Himalayas trying to prevent their extinction. Or, maybe you’re the one who remembers everyone’s birthdays. Maybe your smile at the stranger in the veggie aisle is the smile that saves her from a day of only heartbreak. You may never know the impact you have on others.
There’s no right or wrong calling. Each and every person’s purpose is vital to the universe.
Tools For Finding Your Purpose
How you make others feel, how you care for others, and how you leave the world a little bit better off for having been alive, is your unique offering. Living each day aligned with the values that matter most to you gives direction to your choices. This blog post is a great place to start exploring your values: Personal Values Give Your Second Half Direction.
Be gentle and compassionate during the process because it may take time to percolate and let your mind chew on ideas for a while before it feels right. Then after some time, you may still shift or change your thinking. But it’s never wasted time when you’re exploring your soul’s calling. Practice self-compassion.
When you use tools, such as my 7 Realms of a Radiant Life, you may find that you have several categories of purpose. They may overlap, but it’s possible to have one calling in your personal relationships, one in work, and one for your creativity. Or any combination of different areas. That helps you focus as you make choices and plans and develop goals and habits, but the truth is if you kept digging and asking why you’d find that even these areas share a particular commonality.
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some Truths About Finding Your Purpose
Your purpose can feel overwhelming at times, but should also feel energizing. You have to do it your own way. Maybe you go all in and revamp your life, or take itty-bitty steps and incorporate a greater meaning in your existing life.
You don’t want it to be easy. If it becomes easy it’s because you’re not nudging the edge of your comfort zone and growing.
Forget finding a purpose that’s going to get confirmation from outside your own heart. It’s impossible to please everyone. Find what you’re meant to share and share it for the people who need it.
Be flexible and keep your sea legs because the going can get wild.
Just because you get it figured out, doesn’t mean that you’ll have automatic fulfillment and life will be a canoe ride on a lazy lake. So much is beyond your control, it’s messy in the real world, so there will be challenges, doubts, responsibilities, and fears–even if you’re on the right path. Sometimes you’ll need to hit the pause button and return after you’ve dealt with a trauma or upset.
Following the path of your deepest calling isn’t a linear process, it’s full of corkscrew turns, double-backs, loopy-loops, doldrums, and passing lanes.
Reflection and reassessment will happen again and again and again.
One More Truth
Your own unique calling in the world supports the entire universe. Only you can know what light you bring to the world and in turn, that light will give your life spark and passion.
Have you always had a feel for your purpose? Is this all new to you? How do you think it will make a difference for you?
[1] Yes. A “wood” paneled Ford station wagon, that we crawled all over on long, and short, road trips. And seatbelts? That was when we snapped the seatbelts closed behind us to avoid the pesky beeping, because who wore seatbelts? Now, that makes me a little nauseous thinking about it.
[3] We never really know how much time we have left do we? It’s more obvious as we get older, but it’s the truth from day one. This isn’t morbid, this is powerful because it allows us to have perspective and appreciation for all of life.
