While it’s good to acknowledge that life is a twisting, turning, wild ride of good and not-so-good experiences, it’s just as essential to know that filling it with more positive thoughts and emotions crowds out the negative. So here’s how you can kick negative thoughts to the curb.
Lesson #1
Negativity and negative thoughts are part of the human experience, and no matter how many pennies you throw in the fountain or candles you blow out on a cake, unfortunately you’ll have some unpleasant and downright miserable things happen in your life.
With the nifty little brain mechanism called negative bias, even if there isn’t anything to be wary of, our brains are on the lookout for all things negative. It’s unavoidable. Thanks, brain.
Thinking about all the bad things that can happen works a little like an insurance policy against hurt. But the truth is, most of the time, our worries never come true, and we’ve spent not only a lot of time but a lot of emotional energy building stress in our bodies. Not healthy.
With that in mind, check out more info on how negativity affects your health—the ugly truth.
Lesson #2
You can learn to think more positively. Yep, it’s doable. And more fun, healthier, and you’ll live longer.[1]
Practice Positive Thinking
You don’t need to give yourself a whop on the tookus for thinking negative thoughts, though. That will only make it worse. Instead, give yourself a break for being human. Learning how to kick negative thoughts to the curb will do the trick.
Learning how to change negative thinking into positive thinking takes practice. And the truth is, if you’ve been practicing being a “realist” most of your life, you’ll work ahead of you.
But it’s good work. And it’s worth it, because more positive thinking will make your life better and healthier and longer.
Your mind is where half the things you thought would happen never did.
The Nitty Gritty of Kicking Negative Thoughts to the Curb
The Ends of the Earth
Humans tend to catastrophize the smallest of slights. Life isn’t over because one unexpected crisis or problem arises. For instance, just because a friend doesn’t text you back right away doesn’t mean you will end up dying alone without any friends, that you’re a terrible friend and that something is wrong with you, and who would want to be your friend anyway, etc. etc. Stop this fatalistic thinking as quickly as you can when you hear it going on in your mind. Use some of the techniques coming up.
It’s All About Me
Then again, don’t read into a situation unwarranted negativity. The friend didn’t text back, and you wonder what their motivations are—what’s the secret message hiding behind no message? It’s hard to imagine that maybe they’re just busy or have their own troubles. As you can see, these kinds of negative thoughts aren’t going to add quality years to your life.
The Good is Worth Appreciating
Appreciate the good. With your whole heart.
For example, downplaying something good by saying something to the effect, “I’m sure I’ll lose this friend too.” Or, bypassing your accomplishments and brushing off progress as luck or the result of someone else’s effort isn’t healthy either. Go ahead. Appreciate something positive. Acknowledging it won’t make it disappear, poof, because you gave it power by recognizing it. Of course, you won’t scare it away or jinx yourself or any other non-logical thinking you come up with.
What Makes Me Smile Exercise
Here’s a cute little trick to stir your positive thinking and send negative thinking packing. Set your watch, phone, or computer timer, for one hour and when it goes off, notice a thought, experience, or feeling that is positive and makes you smile.
For example, a bird chirping outside your window, your cat cleaning its bum little paws, the flowers your husband picked from the garden, a photo of your children, how much work you got done in the past hour, a vial of sand from the beach. Record these in a gratitude journal if you have one.
You don’t have to do this every hour of your life forever. It’s a great trick to get your habits leaning towards the positive instead of the negative. Try it for a while. Try it when you’re feeling down or having a rough patch.
Positive People Smile More
Try always to wear at least a half smile. I’m not a die-hard fan of fake-it-to-you-make-it. Sometimes it’s too much, sometimes not enough. But for kicking negative thoughts to the curb, it works. Because, if you remind yourself to put on your half-smile, you’ll find your face relaxes, your forehead and jaw say thank you, and you’ll release tension and feel lighter. And it will make you feel better. If someone sees you with your half-smile, they’ll smile too, and now you feel even more better. (Yeah, I said more better on purpose. I like it. It makes me smile.)
Mantra, Mantra, Mantra All Day
Whether or not you realize it, you are repeating a mantra all day long. Unfortunately, it’s usually negative. But you can change this mantra to something positive. First, you have to notice what you’re saying and when, then you need to think of something to replace that droll chatter with something more soul-nourishing.
• Everything is a mess. = My life is full of challenges, but I welcome the opportunity to grow.
• I can’t stand this. = I’m severely distressed, but I’ll handle it.
• I can’t do anything right. = I don’t have this figured out—yet. But I’m doing well so far.
Ride the Wave
Imagine if our emotions, negative and positive, were like a wave. If it were, you couldn’t hold on to it or carry it around like a victim badge or an excuse. You also couldn’t push it away or somehow wrangle it under control, and you couldn’t try to squash it down and make it stop by sheer force. The best you could do is ride the wave like a badass surfer queen.
Here’s how to ride your emotions like a wave:
- Become aware of your emotions. Where do you feel it in your body? How is it coming to the surface and making itself known?
- Identify and label the emotion. Oh, there’s sadness. There’s a little anxiety. Anger just showed up. Be careful here. This exercise isn’t about labeling you. You are not angry, anxious, or sad.
- Remember that no matter how overwhelming the emotion is, it will pass. Even if you want to crawl back into bed and lay in the fetal position for a day or so, remember it isn’t permanent. And it doesn’t define you. [1]
- Keep curious. What triggered the emotion? Why? Become a thought detective. Ask yourself what launched this thought or emotion. Then ask, why are you feeling this? Being curious and investigative about where these thoughts and feelings come from will help you be more aware and lessen their impact.
- Let go. At this point, you are riding the wave and are open to what unfolds without being hung up on controlling the outcome. Hard? Yes. But it will get easier and make more sense as you practice and see what a difference it will make in your life.
Vertical Arrow Technique
Save this technique for when you have a heavy-duty or persistent issue. The following is an advanced “kick negative thoughts to the curb” exercise. And quite enlightening.
You may find that what seemed surface-level has its roots firmly established in some ancient murmurings happening behind the scenes, sneaking around behind your awareness. You may unearth some assumptions or beliefs you didn’t even realize were mucking around and playing dirty with your mind. This exercise will help you get to the bottom of the story you’ve been telling yourself and find out how it’s been serving you and whether it’s true, or not.
- On the top of a piece of paper, write down a negative thought you want to investigate further. Then, draw a short down arrow.
- Now imagine if this thought you had were true.
- What would happen?
- What would it say about you?
- Why would this bother you?
- In what way would this be bad?
- What would it mean for your life?
- Write down what came to you. Then draw another arrow.
- Do it again with the same questions. And again. And again. And again.
- At some point, you will find yourself smack dab at the bottom of your core belief. Surprised? Scared? Then consider, is this true? Really true? 100% of the time, it’s true?
It’s always important to remember that thoughts are not facts. They are creations of your mind. And your mind is doing its best to keep you safe, which isn’t always the healthiest safety. So, after you ask yourself if the story you have been living about your thoughts is true, explore how that makes you feel. And most importantly, what would happen if you let go of this thought. You know, kick your negative thoughts to the curb?
Rewriting the Story
Take a situation that’s all muddied up with negative thoughts. Maybe something that happened to you, or better yet, something you’re worried is going to happen. Rewriting your story is an excellent exercise for a situation that has a lot of fear tangled up in it—a rejection, a failure, a crisis. So it’s time to write this negative story.
Your narrative will be filled to the brim with all the most probable negative thoughts and challenges you can think of. Take it to the extreme. What would you do? How would you handle it? Pretend the worst-case scenario happened, then what could you do? Imagine living through it.
By looking at the worst possible outcome and writing a story about how you handled it, including a few different options, you will see that you can live through it just fine.
I found this eye-opening when I’ve done this in the past. At times I like my alternative ending better than the actual ending. I was almost sad that the worst case didn’t happen because some possible adventures came up intertwined in the negative.
Complete this exercise a few times with some scary things you’re dwelling on, and it will become apparent, darn quick, that there is no need to catastrophize.
If you’d like to take this exercise further, see this post on how to rewrite your story.
Now You Got the Skills
When you find yourself spiraling into negativity, pause and think of the different exercises here and see if you can kick negative thoughts to the curb. Life gives you loads of practice, but like any muscle group, the more you use the strength of turning negative into positive, the more efficient and effective it becomes, like big biceps or six-pack abs. And the cherry on top? It’s just as sexy and just as healthy.
Do any of these techniques of kicking negative thoughts to the curb resonate with you? Which ones? Why?
[2] Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition.
