Midlife slump, doldrums, malaise, dreaded middle, dark cave of no return, or crisis. Heaven forbid a midlife crisis? Whatever name you call it (and it’s rarely positive or inspiring), hitting that magic middle mark can be challenging.
On a certain birthday, many of us get the feeling that it’s all downhill from here. You parked on a San Francisco hillside without setting the emergency brake–See you soon, you whirling, crashing depths of the bay!
You know the shirts and coffee mugs, all black and death-like. Heck, you may even have a few in your stash of kitschy gifts given to you for your 40th or 50th birthday. Very funny.
Sure, the midlife crisis of movies, complete with affairs and red Corvettes, has a tentative relationship to the truth, but this stereotype is bleak, and doesn’t tell the whole story. Really, it is just another part of the journey, so why does it have to be so tough. Let’s take a peek.
What a Midlife Slump Can Look Like
For me, turning 50 was absolute hell. I don’t say that lightly. I wish it weren’t true. But it was not fun whatsoever. For me, or anyone around me. You can read more of my story here (maybe you can relate?).
I look back now and I see my despair with loving eyes. I found out there was still so much scrumptious living to do[1], and I could make a difference in how I experienced that living. So exciting! True-blue convert’s enthusiasm!
My healing began with meditation and yoga. These practices brought me back to myself and gave me the ability to handle my wildly emotional transition. From there, my insatiable curious mind took a dive into what others had to say about this aging journey I was on. Tada! Out of my midlife slump and The Salted Moon was born.
Midlife Research
An interest in studying midlife and all the feelings that go with it, are keeping many researchers busy nowadays.
The results so far? Mixed.
Jonathan Raush, author of The Happiness Curve, popularized the idea that our happiness takes a dip in the middle and then rises back up. The bottom point averaging at 47.2 years old. That’s the bad news. The good news is that people get even happier after that.
But this happiness U has detractors. Mostly because a midlife slump hits some hard, and some not at all. So much depends on your past, childhood, career, relationships, attitude towards aging, culture, and physical and mental health. If you’re experiencing a divorce, a business failure, or family problems, this compounds your emotional landscape.[2]
I believe the term midlife doldrums is a perfect way to describe this stage for many people.[3] Stuck? Lifeless? Yep. Midlife can feel that way for some of us. All that stubborn staleness is the perfect opportunity for reflection and rebooting your life plan. That’s what I’m here for!
What’s Happening in Midlife to Create Such Havoc?
About the age of 40 to 50, you’re entering a period that could be labeled, Now What?
Life becomes more about discomfort, stress, illness, exhaustion, and a cranky body than fun and adventure.
Your career may have spiked. No more promotions or advancements are possible and the heart-pounding excitement is gone from the work itself.
If you have children, they may be out on their own leaving you with an empty home and heart and a billboard announcing, “Empty Space Here.” Or, they’re teenagers with an entirely different kind of emotional chaos.
You may be called upon to care for an aging parent, an ill family member, or are dealing with your own health crisis.
When you were younger you had visions of what life would be and planned bold and spirited adventures.
Maybe a few boxes have been ticked off. Some boxes seem silly now. Some seem impossible now. The dreams of younger you, and your reality may seem so far disconnected that regret and sadness wash over you.
Stop it!
You’re looking at it all wrong. For now, just know that this may be why you are feeling slumpy (not a word, I know, but I like it) and experiencing a midlife slump.
Identity Crisis
Really a “midlife crisis” is an identity crisis.
You are the only you there is. And all of your life is an expression of that unique voice. It is your character, how you’ve loved, how you faced the challenges and obstacles, and how you experienced the joys and celebrations.
You have spent an entire lifetime becoming you. As you hit that center of life point, you may ask yourself if are you remaining who you are at your core and yet still growing.
Are you becoming better at being your true self?
You aren’t the same person you were in high school. (Thank. Freaking. Goodness.) You aren’t the same person you were in your 20’s or 30’s. You are you, but you are a developing and growing you that is learning and becoming more.
Not only can you grow older but you can grow better. You have more knowledge and experience, more successes to learn from and celebrate.
You have an identity, and you have several at a time, and these shift and adapt with your life as it unfolds. It takes awareness to accept and integrate this new “you” into an older version of “you,” but we do this throughout our life.
At the core are your values, your north star, those things that are most important to you. Even they morph depending on the time of life. But at the core, you are who you are.
The Truth about the Midlife Slump
Midlife may pass smoothly, as a small bump and self-correct, or a full-blown meltdown, like me. No matter your experience, your midlife slump is NOT time to:
- Drown in the thought that something is “wrong” with your life. Everything is right, you are exactly where you need to be. By thinking about where you go next, you can give your second half direction and purpose.
- Sell everything, dump everyone, start over, or do nothing but vegetate. You don’t need a new life; you need a new attitude, and some new habits.
- Sit back and surrender to the process. You have infinitely more influence over how you age than you may realize.
- Believe the lies about what you can and cannot do. Say poo-on-you to the naysayers, and give whatever it is a try.
- Act as if you are in our 20s or 30s and pretend you’re younger. Your body has been through some stuff and you may have suffered injuries and illnesses. Having respect for you body and what it’s telling you is necessary as we age. We can’t take our physical health for granted anymore.
- Banish yourself to your corner and behave like “old” folks should. You don’t have to step aside and let the younger generation have all the fun.
- Stop moving, dreaming, learning, or creating.
The truth about entering midlife is gorgeous and exciting and is not about doing any of the things mentioned above. If you want to read more, click below and grab the free 30-page ebook, “Five Truths About Your Second Half.”
Are You In a Midlife Slump? How to Know
It may be time for a change if you:
- Feel like your health is precarious, and you rarely move and the food you eat doesn’t nourish you.
- Tend to use the phrases, “I can’t” or “I’m too old.”
- Find that curiosity and playfulness is missing from your days.
- Have a long list of wondrous things you were going to do with your life, and now it just feels like childish dreams.
- Let insignificance and inadequacy define your relationship to the world.
- Retain so much regret that it haunts you like a demon in the night.
- Feel unsettled, anxious, or sad most of the time.
What to Do Next
There’s no need to take up a rocking chair, twiddle your thumbs in despair, and wait, all cranky, to die.
The better years are not behind you and you are not in a free fall to decline. This is just another stage of life, not better and not worse than others, just different. Like every stage so far, and the ones yet to come.
Now is the opportunity to reevaluate what is important and use the years ahead to fulfill some of the dreams you’ve always dreamed. Be captain of your own journey. Take the adventures you’ve always wanted to take and do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Living your best life is possible no matter where you are starting from.
Check out “25 Ways to Rock Your Second Half” if you want some ideas on what to do next. Click the photo below.
Your Wildest Dreams
By finding your most inspirational and wild dreams, you will give the second half direction and purpose. Now is the time to fill your days with the glorious process of those dreams.
Goals are important because they give you aim and drive, but the true beauty is when your dreams lead you on a path of daily joy and exuberance. The details, and the process, are where the magic happens.
Get busy! Time is running out. Yet, you have all the time you need. Since the ticking clock seems to get louder as we get older, why not squeeze joy out of every possible moment. It’s time to put yourself into high gear and savor every day.
Physically
Your body is getting tired and it is showing signs of wear and tear, especially in your weakest points. It’s scary and frustrating. You can’t eat as much without gaining weight. If you eat poorly you immediately feel the impact. You can’t take “time off” from exercise without struggling to regain your prior strengths. You get dizzy more easily.
You’re physically different and you will never be who you were “then.” But you can still be beautiful, graceful, and sexy. The secret? Move! (You knew that, huh?)
Now is the time to look deeper on the inside for your beauty and not rely on just the outside. Ah, glorious freedom from the body police!
Spiritually
Appreciate the grace and sophistication of age and wisdom. Appreciate that the challenges of life and the traumas and illnesses have made you stronger and wise. Acknowledge that broken hearts, broken bodies, and broken spirits can regain their beauty and light and you have the experience to prove it.
Do things to restore your belief in yourself and how all the things that you accomplished fuel your self confidence, but also all the things that didn’t go your way and how you recovered and what lessons you’ve learned.
Submit to the future by letting go of control. And yet, being proactive in creating the radiant life and health that’s rightfully, and delightfully, yours.
The Salted Moon blog and website is one resource to nose around in. Learn from those who embrace aging with love. Search out inspiration from the world around you. Most importantly, start with a mindset shift. Know that this is just the beginning of a new adventure.
Change your attitude, change your life. Life truly is a miracle.
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Albert Einstein
How serious is/was your midlife slump? What have you done to feel more optimistic about your second half?
[1] The idea that so much more delicious life is coming your way must also be accepted as a fact. It has to be fully embraced by your mind and heart as the truth. And it is the truth. Living well isn’t for the lazy or the faint-hearted.
[2] https://www.nber.org/papers/w26641
[3] I just love a good nautical reference. Just north of the equator lies a belt of calm and virtually windless seas called the doldrums.
