Have you ever heard someone refer to their North Star? I absolutely adore this concept. It’s got a romantic, seafaring, mystical feel to it. Your personal values are your North Star. So, if you’ve ever wondered, “What are my values and why I should care,” this post is for you. And if you’re not sure, well hot dang, keep reading.
What Are My Personal Values
Values, core values, personal values, core beliefs, beliefs, standards, what you stand for. Values come in so many guises, but don’t fret, they’re all the same thing. And they’re as important as the North Star for your life’s journey.
In just a bit, you’re going to do a deep dive into actually labeling the values that are most important to you. It’s soul-searching, and so much fun!
Values As Your North Star
Think back to a time when you felt unsettled. Maybe you had an ache in your tummy, the path you were on just didn’t feel right. Are you trying to make a decision and it’s keeping you up all night, sweating the sheets, and kicking your spouse? It could be you’re suffering the dreaded feeling of what do I do next.
That nagging feeling is your North Star saying, “Heads up, you aren’t keeping your values in mind.”
When life feels good and you feel energized by the things you’re doing every day, then you’re aligned with your values.
Personal values are the answer to those blasted doubts. Like the North Star or our iPhone GPS, they give us direction and are the underlying motivation for everything you do in life (well, your phone shouldn’t do that last part, but you know what I mean). Or should be.
When you really want to ignite your life’s purpose, knowing what matters most to you will help lead the way.
Where Your Personal Values Come From
Even now, as you pass by 50 and head into your 60s and 70s and beyond, you may be holding tight to expired values. Some were assigned to you when you were a child. Some came later. They came from your parents, community, culture, the times you grew up, life experiences, the things you watched or read, and–ugh!–the media.
Some you’ll want to keep because they’re part of your soul, others you’ll rip off quicker than your shirt when a bee flies into your cleavage. Some may take some deeper inquiry. You may have to play around and do some heavy lifting to figure out if they’re here to stay or if it’s time to move on.
You could be holding onto values because they were important at one time, but in your current stage of life, they don’t play a role. These can hard to part with. But once you find the core beliefs that lead to a more inspired life now, parting with old ones will make great sense.
Value Reassessment–Tough Sometimes
Horses have always been one of, or at the tippy top of, my value list. Even before I actually shared my life with a horse, it was just about all I could think about. They have always automatically been on my value list. But, I don’t have a horse. My soulmate horse of 28 years passed away a few years ago. I’m having a very hard time not keeping this value high on my North Star list.
I pour over my value list at least once a year, and this year I finally took horses off. It was tough. Red-faced, sobbing, can’t breathe kinda tough. I can add it back in later. I didn’t go outside and use a hammer to whack my list into a rock, so they’re pretty malleable. And so are yours. Any time you need to switch them up, you can.
Don’t be afraid to do the hard work. It’s like seeing a really good therapist. Or a psychic.
Why I Should Care
Topping your list in all their shiny, crowning glory, are the values that guide your choices and prioritize your actions and effort.
You have stuff to do, your dream list is long and the days are feeling shorter and so your time shouldn’t be dwindled away on things that really don’t matter to you.
The values that win your heart, are the ones that will help you be where you spend your time and resources. They also define who you are, especially in relationship to the world. Once you know your values, you can surround yourself with others who share some of the same ones. Immersing yourself in a like-minded community is one of the keys to longevity.
Value exploration and reevaluation are a lifelong process. You’ll examine whether your actions and choices are headed in the right direction throughout your lifetime.
Personal values affect your life experience and control your wildest dreams.
It’s your life’s work. It’s your legacy.
Your values become your destiny.
Mahatma Gandhi
How to Find Your Personal Values
#1 Reflection
Start with self-reflection. Grab a cuppa joe or tea. Light a candle, play some beautiful music that helps you be reflective. Pen poised over lavender paper (or a color you choose or have on hand, of course), and start thinking about the answers to these questions. You don’t have to answer each and every one, just let them gently guide you. This may take time. Be patient and add any thoughts that show up.
Picture a period of your life when you were doing what felt great and felt positive and joyful.
- Record things that make you happy.
- What makes your heart feel full?
- How do you handle setbacks or challenges?
- What qualities do you appreciate in others?
- How do you treat others?
- Are there choices you’ve made that made you feel good?
- Things you’ve done that makes you feel proud?
- List some of the qualities you expect of yourself?
- Also think of qualities your family members have that you admire?
- Name things that give you a sense of fulfillment?
- What gives you a sense of meaning?
#2 Overarching Themes
Look over your answers. Any themes yelling at you, “Hey, pay attention to me!” If you see a lot of mentions about physical activities, you know an important theme could be fitness, sports, adventure or outdoors. Or if you have quite a few references to artistic ventures, creativity may be important, working with your hands, texture or color.
#3 A List of Values
Name the values that keep coming up. The values that are important or that stand out from the previous exercises. Maybe you have just a few, maybe you have to work to narrow them down, but see if you can create a list of around 20 values.
*If you are stuck, or just want to cast a wide net, download the 250+ values PDF.
#4 Establish a Priority List
Now try to narrow your list even further and get a prioritized list of around five, with the most important on the top. This may be easy or hard. If you’re having trouble placing one over the other, look at both and ask yourself if you could only choose one, which would it be. The one you’d choose gets priority over the other.
Research the meaning of your words. Sometimes we think we know what words mean, but reading a definition will either change our minds, solidify our thinking or send us on after other ideas. Then look at similar words by exploring a thesaurus–I love wordhipp.com for this–and see if other sparks don’t ignite. Do your words still resonate with you? Found other, more awesome words?
#5 Evaluate Your Personal Values List
Set aside your list for a bit. An hour or a few days, whatever feels comfortable. Now go back and look over your priority list.
Does it still feel good, make you smile, and feel right not just in your head, but in your heart and your soul?
Are you proud of your list? Would you feel comfortable sharing your list with others? If someone disagreed with something you have on your values list, would you still feel strongly enough about it to keep it on your list?
Now, once again, look over your list of 20 values. Are you still feeling good about the five or so you kept?
#6 Use Your Values List
Your list of values isn’t something to put in a journal and tuck into a drawer somewhere. This is your North Star, remember, and it deserves a place where it can shine. Post it on your vision board (if you have one), hang it on a wall or on your computer. Somewhere where you will see it, especially when you have to make choices on where to spend your effort, time or other resources.
If you have to decide whether to purchase a new pair of yoga pants or if you should instead buy a book on productivity and you’re having a hard time, use your values list.
Is fitness a more important priority, or is getting your business off the ground. Maybe it’s business, but you have three productivity books on your to-be-read pile (yes, the one that already has thirty books on it), and your yoga pants are worn through.
Or, maybe it’s a no-brainer and your closet is full of yoga pants and your procrastination is debilitating so you really need to get a handle on it.
Your value list is especially important for big decisions. If you’re choosing whether to pay off a credit card or take your family on a once-in-a-lifetime trip with the $5,000 you made selling the Sea-Doos you never use, your values list will give you clarity.
Your answer may not be the same as someone else’s. It’s not a right or wrong choice. It’s a choice made for you and your values.
What Are My Values and Why I Should Care For Life
So, you can see how “What Are My Values” is an important exercise to repeat regularly. Once you have your guiding beliefs to act as your North Star, you will always know which way to direct your journey.
Did the work? Awesome! If you feel up to it, please share your top 5 values in the comments.
